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version 2.1
It's been almost two years since I started this celebration of nothingness on the Internet. Since the inception of Synthetic Reality version 1.0 the
parameters of my existence have changed somewhat. A divorce from a cheating wife. Separation from my children. Becoming the obsession of a sick stalker
who hides on AOL. However, I am comfortably certain that "Confessions of a divorced, thirty-something target of a gold digging paramour" would not be as well met as
this site has been over the last two years. So why change?
Time demands it.
Fresh does become stale, so change in effect is necessary.
Once or twice I have gone back and read some of my older ramblings and witnessed the change. I used to be a happily married man with two beautiful children, self
employed with a thriving business with nothing but good times ahead. Through these same paragraphs, I watched my life turn into nothingness because the girl I chose
to marry decided that marriage was not her cup of tea, and suddenly the Provance estate was looking quite juicy...all from the comforts of a half a million dollar home I
had built from the ground up and more sadly, the bed we shared, which now houses another man...arguably long before I was out of it.
Divorce was actually a blessing in disguise, because I was finally able to see my son's mother for who she is. If you want the description then read the archives,
because there is no need to print it twice. Yeah, I spent less time with my son...but the time we do have together is all the more special and memorable. He
will remember that I loved him unconditionally. And that is enough for me.
So, my dream home will be sold, my rental home will be sold and I'm sure that my son's mother will finish finding herself by having yet a third child with whatever loser
gets her knocked up next.
So now I am back to square one. At least I still have my business, which is doing well. I've had time to work on new projects. I still have a few of my
favourite things from the "marriage era" like my DeLorean.
But happy? Not really. Content for now perhaps. I have forgotten what real happiness is. Someday I hope to learn it again with a deserving mate.
I find pure happiness every time I spend time with my son but it's only a few hours every day a week.
So yeah, my views changes over the last few months and it's evident to the reader. I am way more cynical, mistrusting, and sometimes I am just downright nasty and
mean to the point of offence.
Good, I am glad I will still be getting my points across through all this change.
C. Kevin Provance
Thursday, February 19, 2004
11:55 PM EST
version 1.0
Who
wants to read another web log. I sure don't. Most of the web logs (or blogs as they are called now) out there are pure garbage, so why bother with
mine?
I have no argument for that really.
I remember when web logs were not called web logs, blogs, or whatever elite name web hacks have come up with. I used to keep one back in 1996 on my AOL FTP
space. I would complain about my job, my boss, the gal I was dating at the time. Eventually I started my own little biz and my online journal because a site
for downloading my wares. After a few years everyone and their cousin had a "web page" where they could spout off about themselves with bad (and mostly stolen)
graphics, bright green and yellow text on a back background and god awful background MIDI music. Some of this butchering of the internet evolved into web logs.
Some are done well, most are not. This is mostly because no one puts any real effort into it. Almost anyone can get a free web page courtesy of geocities with
tools to get their name, likes and dislikes up in five minutes. It's the same mainstream, mindless, assembly line process that is commonly found in society today.
Quantity over quality.
That is one group I have spent my entire life avoiding. Anyone who knows me knows that I have spent my life walking to the beat of a different drum.
It cost me dearly for many, many years. Middle school, high school, and the first few years of college were plagued by people who found joy and pleasure in
tormenting me because I was not like everyone else. I didn't drink, or do drugs, or hang with the "in" crowd. I worse dress shirts, ties, sports jackets,
trench coats. I was a total and complete geek and I didn't give a damn what anyone else thought. It was so bad, that my own father told me that I would never
amount to anything. Over ten years later, I still get some satisfaction from the fact that I am not the one sitting in a crumbling house with no money and no life.
Towards the end of high school I had made some friends. Most of them were people like me. Outcast for being different. For being themselves.
The lot of us are all still considered outcasts today. And I still don't give a damn what people think about me...and in some ways I do. It's hard to be a
perfectionist and accept criticism while expressing nonchalance.
That same force still drives me today in what I do, which is why I believe my work is different that most of what one will find on the Internet. It's not
mainstream. It's not the same preprocessed, generic crap that pops up everyone one turns.
I feel bad for kids that still go through what I went through back in the days of teen. One of my cousins is going through it. And there is nothing
anyone can do for those kids, except to be there for them. Listen to them. Give them love. Because believe me, they want it. They want someone to
accept them for who they are and love them unconditionally. And parents are not always the ones who fit that bill. I was lucky in that respect. I have
my mom who has supported me in everything I did, and do to this day, no matter how crazy or off trolley it might have been. It was probably the one factor that kept
me from walking into my school with a sawed off shotgun under my trench coat. I don't condone those kids that did, but Lord, I understand how they felt. How
they were suffering. I also saw after the fact how their parents had disregarded them.
So, thank you Mom, for never giving up on me. A lifetime full of Mother's Day presents and cards will never measure up. Chances are you saved me from
something much worse than anything that I can fathom. Death.
So, why bother reading my web log? Because you will get the insights and ramblings of a person like myself. I'm different from everyone else. I
am Quality over quantity. And because sometimes I am a really dark and tortured spirit who still needs to lash out. Not some 15 year old preadolescent virgin
with a puffy pink site who wants to tell you in 15 pages why a losers like those punks from N'Sync should have her love child.
In the end, it's your choice. Stay or don't stay. I could care less. If you're ready to go, then let's do it.
C. Kevin Provance
Monday, March 17, 2002
11:37 PM EST
Credits
The backend for this weblog is powered by Coranto, the next generation of
NewsPro (originally written by the elusive elvii) which I have come to love and cherish. NewsPro was my teacher
and eventual student in the world of PERL. Most of the little extras or "add ons" for Coranto that I use here were written by me.
The exceptions are the WebWriter interface which was written by kriko & AeroSoul, and the RSS Feed which was written by
elvii, modified by Cerberos76 and then modified by me to fix a few things.
Comments are powered by Haloscan, at least until I can write my own.
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5th
Dimension Express v1.0